Stonehenge and Bath

LFW - Day 1-2

I told you to cross the fingers for me, and thanks if you did. This is my first year at London Fashion Week and so far, it's been crazy and fun. I was so scared because I didn't know what to expect but it's going great.

I'm meeting a lot of people, watching shows, eating fancy food and drinking champagne for free, not to mention all the free things you get from sponsors (ok not that much but still something.)

These pictures are from two different shows: backstage is from Rohmir and catwalk is from Zeynep Kartal.

Tomorrow is Day 3.

Keep going

Before moving to London I decided/promised to myself that I would open a blog and write on it regularly and post as many pictures as I could about this experience. So here I am... writing.

Once I came back to London, I got a temporary job offer, I said yes even though I didn't really want that job but that meant extra money and more experience. I worked sixty hours (or probably even more) every week for one month, doing sales in the morning and waitress in the evening. My manager was a complete asshole and put me shifts that I couldn't do, so I asked for help to my other manager who was so kind and helpful and I managed to get a better rota. Then my other manager was upset with me, and kept treating me like I was a factory worker, so I decided to quit my job.
I tried to quit so many times and never been brave enough to give that fucking resign letter. Even when I found a better job, few months ago, I accepted and declined their offer weeks later because I was too scared to go to a new place and learn everything again. I said to myself "if you wait to find a job you'll do like last timeand you will never leave," so I left.

Now, two weeks after I still have no job, I did at least three trial shifts and got no answer. One actually made me think that I got the job and then he didn't call me back. I've been sending e-mails all day everyday trying to get some responses but very few did.
On top of that, my roommate booked her flight back home for the 1st of April, which means I also have to find a place to live.

I tried to push myself into photography works, I tried to make projects, to sketch ideas, to make moodboards, I tried to contact people and agencies. I'm still trying and I don't know where this will go. So far, all I know is that I'm lost.

I thought I knew what I wanted, and part of me still does, but I feel like this is just too big for me. I'd like to focus on my future, my plans,my dreams and suddenly I have to think about finding a crap job and a crap room first. And I have no time or money to waste. I feel like I need to breathe, I can't breathe. London is eating me, everytime I feel like I can stop and finally have the strenght to do what I want, I just don't.

That said, I'm not gonna sit here and cry and complain about how non-successful is my life right now. I know this is what I'm doing, but I will do it for just today then I will try to go on. Keep trying, keep going, keep failing miserably and hopefully find my success too. Because most people do and they didn't give up. No one said it was easy.

Now I have some great opportunity, and seeing how my plans faded so quickly and how everything that I was sure about turned out to be the complete opposite, I'm so scared I will fuck up everything. Please, please, please cross your fingers for me.

Random #2

It seems a decade since I wrote on here last time but, honestly, I didn't have much to say. London eats you alive, you don't have time for anything; you're organized or you're organized, there is no other option. Time flies so fast that it's scary and, sadly, everything gets sucked into the daily routine: work, eat, sleep. There's no time to do much more, and thanks god for those two days off where you can barely manage to do some of the things of your never ending to-do list.

So what have I been up to in the last couple of months? Not much,

Wandering around London, doing some shopping, trying to buy some christmas presents (which I eventually didn't buy), trying to find a jacket 'cause mine was broken, trying to understand what the fuck I want to do with my life 'cause I feel like stuck in the middle of nowhere.
Weather is shit, but in London is always shit. Cold, rain, fog, amazing! BUT, I'm so relieved there's the same shit weather in Italy. However, in my current very boring life I also did something a little bit different. I went to few premieres during the London Film Festival, and I also went to the Mockingjay Part 1 World Premiere, and the story was quite funny. I've been to only two or three premieres but I considered myself expert enough to prepare everything in advance and think that I could actually get a chance to be in the front row. I even booked my day off weeks before the event to make sure that everything would go as expected. So on that morning, I prepared some food and water to bring with me, I dressed myself properly 'cause it was cold and raining as hell, I went there around 12 and saw they were still building the barriers. Even though I thought it was strange that there were not so many people I started to feel excited that maybe I would really get in the front-row...
...until I saw the big crowd of people on the other side of the square waiting to get in the queue.

So, basically there were these men who were giving bracelets with numbers to get in the queue for the viewing. I got the number 860. Of fucking course. 859 people had to get inside the barriers before me, and of course they were all full even before number 800. So I didn't see shit. Thanks for the big screen in front of me I saw everything very well but it was better to lay on my hot and dry bed than standing for hours under the cold rain. I literally couldn't feel my feet anymore at one point and I was so fucking wet. But honestly, it was good. I enjoyed myself, I met american people, I laughed with them, and I felt the magic of the books once again.
Now that I know how big premieres work I will prepare myself properly for next time.

And now I'm in Italy, seeing my friends, spending time with them and with my family before heading to London again next wednesday. I have some plans, finally, let's see how it goes.

Hampstead Heath

A while ago I went to Hampstead Heath park, one of the wildest parks of London. It was quite interesting but we got lost several times (no maps around). At the end I guess we saw just a little part of the park.